Still Resoved?

Ah January!  Today is that exactly midway point in January.  By now I am usually done with my resolution to exercise and eat better.  This year I made a real commitment to myself and so this time it is different.  If anyone of my readers also finds it difficult to make changes within their lives, then I guess I will be in good company!  It’s always hard to take that objective and deep look into our inner workings and make some adjustments.  I love change.  I really love to change.  I love to change my hairstyle and my hair color.  I love to re-arrange my furniture.  I love to buy new clothes.  I love when the seasons change because I enjoy the trends and the feelings associated with something new and different.  But also, there is something deeply connecting us to what we have trouble changing.  If we look closer, we have to admit that part of what makes the changing seasons so appealing is that it offers variety with familiarity.  That familiar-ness is what helps us achieve satisfaction.  But what happens when the changes we need to make lead to unfamiliar territory?  What if changing brings a perceived threat to the status quo?  Is it still so easy to change then?  What if those changes may affect others whose status quo means a lot to them?  These are questions I am pondering in my life right now.

My daughter Annika did not want to switch schools this year but she had to.  Meanwhile, my son had gone through several preschools and was entering Kindergarten.  Lex had days when he was a little resistant to getting up and getting dressed and going to wherever he was scheduled to go for the day.  However, he adapted much better to these things then did my daughter Annika.  Annika had been in the same school from K-grade 5.  For her, starting up in a new place involved losing some relationships on a daily basis.  It was a bigger change and there was no way of knowing if the outcome would feel better or worse than what she presently had.  In this instance she had to put her faith in what she knew.  She knew there were no options for her except to go forward and adapt.  I was heartbroken watching her go through this. I feared that she would never forgive me for creating a rift in her childhood timeline!  But she did come home on the first day of school with the phone numbers of new friends and stories to tell us about how nice everyone was and how fun it is to be the new girl.  In fact, the new school had a much bigger impact on her than it did to my incoming Kindergartner.  He took it all in stride.  She had to go through something.  Now she values the newly established community and friendships that she has worked so hard to create. 

Leaving my home after 11 years and closing the doors to my home business at the same time, was completely terrifying for me.  It wasn’t like I had wanted to stop running my Daycare.  I enjoyed my work.  I loved planning out the children’s days and their schedules.  I loved playing in the yard and taking them for wagon rides and exploring the beach at low-tide. I loved little picnics and play-dates.  I loved creating the curriculum for them to learn how to draw shapes and letters and numbers.  I loved doing creative activities for Circle Time.  I loved that I was there to help them learn to communicate and share and work through their stages of development with their first ever friends!  Honestly, if I had the room for it, I would do it all over again with no regrets.  I could not possibly sit here and feel regret about closing up shop and moving on in life.  But I guess recently, the word “regret” and the idea of having regrets in general, has come up to my attention for greater scrutiny.  I guess if I am being honest with myself and my readers, I would have to admit that I regret that I did not try harder to keep my little daycare or to recreate it or to continue it in another location.  I didn’t mean to give up on it.  I just didn’t see another way to do what I had been doing.  I convinced myself that it didn’t hurt to let it go.  But the truth is, it really did hurt a lot.  It still hurts.  And everyday that I go to work and do what I am doing now, I am more aware of what I gave up and why.  Back when I ran the daycare, I also did the Travel-Planning and Event-Planning.  I loved it.  But I think I loved it because I could take on as many Travel or Planning Clients as I could handle well, and I could pace myself and manage both jobs that way.  I miss that.  I was much more content with my work livelihood back then.

I have resolved to find that thing that makes my heart sing and makes me soar- it’s called my passion!  I am a very passionate person.  I can passionate about almost anything!  My passion fizzles fast though when politics comes into play (office politics, relationship politics, financial politics, religious politics).  Lots of people weigh in and then the passion feels less like pleasure and more like stress.  The only way to get through it is to truly deeply believe in what you are doing or what you are building or what you are creating.  Can you say that you believe in what you do for your livelihood?  All it takes is the right mindset and you are good to go!  Seriously…the Universe works like that.  There is something to be said in the phrase, “learn to love it”.  Here is some good advice:

Learn to Love vegetables and exercise and drinking purified water.  Learn to love visits to the dentist and doctors.  Learn to love serving others more than yourself.  Learn to love being imperfect.

No one famous said these thing…just me.  I may be famous one day so maybe you should share this blog and save it to your favorite and all that.  Learn to Love what is good for you.  Learn to say no to what hurts you and weakens your body, mind, soul and your resolve!  Learn to surround yourself with people you LOVE and in whom you can feel confident.  These are your community and they will be there for you when times are tough.  Learn to be there for others, even when it puts you out of your comfort zone.  This is how to live a good life.  Maybe if there is just one resolution for 2014 that can all make together it would be that! LEARN.

 

~namaste

Lilac

 

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